Match

We’re on our way to dinner with our potential future birth parents. OMG. It feels weird to write that out.

Tuesday, I got a call at lunch from the agency director. We had been chosen by birth parents, based on our profile book, to be adoptive parents to a baby boy due by c-section the following Tuesday. In fact, she’s sitting with the parents now, and do I want to speak with them? What?? Ok yeah, yes, I’ll talk to them.

The basics are that, if all goes well, we could be parents by Friday. That’s so weird! They’d like to meet us tonight for dinner. I guess it’s to get to know each other, lay out their expectations, and help them feel comfortable with their choice. They sound committed and confident in this decision, so all we can do is hope, pray, trust that it will work out. What is meant to be will be. And the fact that this meeting takes place on mothers day, and three days after my birthday, is not lost on me. But it is sheer coincidence. God acting in His mysterious ways. I’ve not graciously accepted the many wishes for a happy mothers day that I received today. Each was met with a “thanks, yeah I hope so.”We’ll see.” “Keep praying till Friday.”

I feel slightly guilty for not being more overjoyed. I’ve been going through an internal roller coaster of sorts. I know I should enjoy this time, but nothing is final until it’s final. Anything can happen. And it feels wrong to be so happy, knowing that our happiness is only possible because of another family’s ultimate sacrifice.

Another thing I fear is taking all my family and friends on this roller coaster, and then it all crashing. I’ve ridden it before from their perspective, and it’s hard. I don’t want to let any body down. One of my sweet friends must have sensed this, because she brought it up and assured me that if it didn’t work out, we’d pick up the pieces and move on. No big deal. They still love me.

I truly do have the best friends. They all came over yesterday for our annual crawfish boil. They were all so supportive of this situation, and genuinely happy for us. I was a little mentally absent for parts of the day. I felt nervous and anxious about the upcoming week. And each time I faded
out, someone would catch my arm, give me a reassuring pat or a hug, tell me they loved me and that it would work out. Truly, the sweetest people.

Not to mention Mike. I can’t imagine going through this with anyone but him. He’s so calm and level-headed, but also pretty excited. I love him.

So here we go. We’re choosing to trust God and have faith that it will work out. It’s God’s will. His will be done. I can only pray for peace and acceptance of His will. I do pray that it works out, but should it not, we have each other. We have our family and friends. We’ll be ok. So we’re jumping on the roller coaster and praying for the best. Wish us luck!

Could This Be It?

I’ve got a weird feeling. I keep trying to calm myself, and act normally. I always get a weird feeling. Maybe its just nerves and wishful thinking. Right? I’ve already thought about far more than I should have. How I’ll call in for work on Monday. How i’ll transition my work for the next few days. How I’ll wrap up all I possibly can today.

How we’ll tell our parents. What adorable toy/outfit we’ll buy at the craft show this weekend. When we’ll buy a car seat and a few other necessities. What kind of gift we’ll give to the BM. What kind of gift could ever appropriately thank her for what she might be giving us? What i’ll wear to the hospital. Who we’ll use for newborn pictures and how soon can we schedule them?

How we’ll react when we get the call.

I need to not have these thoughts. I need to remain calm and focus on my work. Focus on my dogs. Focus on my marriage. Focus on my faith.

We went to the St. Joseph’s altar on Monday. At least 5 people told me I needed to steal a lemon. If you steal a lemon and keep it at your bedside, and pray, you’ll get pregnant. Then you burry the lemon once you have a baby. We stole 2 lemons. All the while, I kept thinking that I don’t need to get pregnant to be fulfilled. It’s family that we want. So do lemons lead to adoption? Because we want to adopt. I had a weird sense of calm that day at the altar. St Joseph is the patron saint of families, and many adoptive families pray to him, as he is seen as the adoptive father of Jesus (since he is God’s son). I don’t know what to think, but I felt compelled to add the St Joseph medal we received at the altar, onto a necklace, and wear it today. It’s next to the star that mike gave me for my 21st birthday. Or was it 23rd? Regardless, I love that star and it felt right to put the medal on with it today. My hand keeps instinctively going to the medal and star. Every time, I say a prayer to St Joseph. Please ask God to build our family the way he sees fit. Please ask God to grant me patience and spare me sorrows.

If this isn’t it, it’s ok. I’ll be fine. I shouldn’t be getting this excited so soon anyway. Even if she does choose us, she may still change her mind after the birth. Then how would we feel? Wow. That would hurt. So much can happen right now, that we need to remain calm, patient, and prayerful. And busy. I need to stay busy. Keep my mind and body busy for just another day or so. Jesus help me! Lol.