Progress!

I don’t want to jump the gun, get ahead of myself, or count my chickens before they hatch….. BUUUUUUTTTTTTT Murphy had her first treatment today, and she’s doing well. Her appetite is great. And based on yesterday’s CT, the lymph mode has already shrunk since the ultrasound they did on Thursday! This is amazing news! God is good! Thank you Jesus! We appreciate all the prayers, and just ask that they continue. I’ve got a lot swirling through my mind right now about this whole process and time in our lives, but for now, I’m choosing to focus on the positive, and concentrate on what I can control. And just give the rest to God.

Decision Time

After much consideration, prayer, and debate, we chose radiation for Murphy. The vet at LSU gave us two radiation options (a one-week and a four-week protocol), plus a chemo-only option. None were a sure-fire cure. The main objective is to shrink the lymph node 20% – 50% with a combination of radiation and chemo, while the chemo drug will also prevent the spread of the disease elsewhere in her body. If we successfully shrink the lymph node, it will relieve pressure in her body and allow her to still use the bathroom. And currently, that’s the only thing this cancer is truly impacting.

Mike will drop her off tomorrow morning before work. They’ll do a CT scan and blood work to ensure she’s ready, then begin treatment on Tuesday, daily until the following Monday. Five treatments in all, and she’ll come home for the weekend in between. There are risks, but the benefits seem to outweigh them, and give her the best chance of a happy life. They didn’t give a prognosis. Her cancer’s been too unpredictable to tell, but I believe in miracles, and I believe in Murphy. All I can do is keep praying for her health, and for the wisdom to make the right decisions for her. I believe Murphy still has a lot of fight in her, and that she will tell us when she’s had enough. Thank you to anyone who said a prayer for her. The prayers work, for sure. And thank God for bringing us this far and giving us the means to do all that we can for her.

And We Have a Walker!

Whelp, we have ourselves a walker! This past Wednesday, he just took off!

He doesn’t usually choose to walk, but he’s willing if we get him started. He just melts my heart.

St Joseph

I saw my St Joseph medal Sunday in my closet. This is the same medal that I wore almost daily for the months leading up to Malcolm’s adoption, and sporadically afterwards. It was probably in my closet where i took it off after the last time i wore it to church. I decided to wear it today as a reminder that God is in control and to bring some peace to my mind and heart.

St Joseph is the patron saint of families. I prayed to him during our adoption wait, to help us grow our family. And now I’m praying to him again to keep our family whole. Help us make the right choices, and to do what is best for Murphy and our family. I feel less anxious, more calm, since I’ve been wearing it. I know it is in God’s hands, and we have to use the tools and resources he gives us to do the right thing, whatever that may be.

We are going to a consultation with an oncologist at LSU on Thursday. Please pray we get answers and comfort from whatever he tells us. Murf’s a little tired, likely from the double dose of chemo, but otherwise, she is doing well this morning. Love her so much!

Murf News

Murf’s home right now. When we got to the vet this morning, they inserted a catheter, sutured it to her and capped it off so that it can stay in for a few days. We just unscrew the cap when she has to go make. Dr Crawford was gave us a couple of options, and we are down to just a few. The initial plan was to schedule a surgery to place the tube in her bladder, like they planned to do last time. She doesn’t think removing the tumor and lymph node is an option given that it was so hard on Murf last time and how quickly it grew back. We need to shrink it medically to relieve pressure off her bladder and colon. If we can’t do that, her kidneys will soon fail. She has to be able to relieve herself. Funny thing is, that’s the only thing wrong with her right now. They say that if the cancer is in the lymph mode and is recurring this soon and aggressively, then it’s certainly in other places in her body. Yet, nothing else has bee affected by the cancer so far. Not her heart, lungs, kidneys, appetite, etc.

So our main objective is to shrink the tumor and use the catheter temporarily to allow her to pee. We’re also giving her meds to help her colon. This temporary cath can only stay in for a few days. It’s risky because it can lead to infection. After dr Crawford made some calls, the oncologist did not recommend the surgery to insert the tube in her bladder. He didn’t think it would help for very long. He recommends radiation to give her the best chance of shrinking the tumor. For many many reasons that are hard (and long) to explain, radiation is not the easiest option for us or Murf. I’m not ready to talk about that yet. So we are doubling up the chemo, using a known-to-be-effective drug that her body seems to have gotten accustomed to, and maybe a little resistant to, and a new drug, with less stats to back up it’s effectiveness. Hoping that this double-whammy can give her enough relief in the next few days to allow her urinate on her own.

Beyond that, I have no clue. We went in today knowing that our options are getting limited. We asked dr Crawford if this was it – is it over? What would she do if it were her dog? It’s literally day by day, hour by hour that things seem to change. Shes getting some physical relief thanks to the cath and it looks like the tumor on her skin is beginning to respond to the chemo – or is that wishful thinking? I don’t have all the answers, and I’m not ready to process my feelings yet. I just know that we’re very sad with where we are now. We don’t feel like its over yet, and we are praying for the strength and wisdom to make the right decisions for Murf. We do believe in miracles. We do believe in God and His power and wisdom and His plan. So I still believe that anything can happen if God is in control.

So that’s it. We pray. And we love. And we pray some more. And we love her and kiss her more, and continue to repeat this as long as we can.

Sweet Murphy Girl

Please pray for Murphy. We brought her in to the puppy ER to drain her bladder because she’s having a really hard time going on her own. The x-ray shows a pretty large mass pushing on her bladder, and it seems like her bladder muscles are weakened from bring stretched out so much. Most likely the tumor has returned, much more quickly than anticipated, even though she’s on chemo. We’re going to see our regular vet tomorrow to discuss our options, and by what the ER vet said, it’s pretty serious. I don’t want to assume anything, so all I can do is pray and trust God’s plan. I’m having a hard time with the trust. So I just keep praying. God, I love this dog. Please God, give me some good news tomorrow.

First Steps

Malcolm took his first steps yesterday. At least I think they were his first. It happened at daycare, and he gave us a repeat performance at home last night. Only 2 or 3 wobbly steps then he falls forward, realizing what he’s done. But sure enough, he’s taking some unassisted steps. He did it a couple of times at home until he fell like a tree in the forrest and face planted into the carpet. Me, being the over-protective mommy, swooped in and picked him up, all the while Mike was fussing me about mommy-ing him. And that was the end of walking for the night. We tried again before work this morning, and got a couple more shaky steps. Britney likes to cut right in front and knock him down, while Murf couldn’t be less interested. She’s probably figured out that him walking spells trouble for her.

It’s weird. I thought I’d be upset if I didn’t witness his first steps. I want to be the first to see everything. It was something I felt very strongly about when he was first born. But I’m not that upset. As he grows, I’m seeing that it’s all very fluid. It’s hard to say he did something for the first time, because everything seems to be constantly in transition. He’s been walking while holding our hand for awhile now, so naturally, he’ll be walking on his own soon. Then his steps will become steadier and quicker, and soon he’ll be running. That’s just how it goes. I’m just so surprised at my attitude. It’s not that I don’t care. I’m very proud of him and I’m so excited for him, but I’m not overly-emotional about any of it – the fact that he took steps, or the fact that I didn’t get to see it first. It’s just all good. If I spend so much of my life focused on trying to control what I cannot, then the good stuff will pass me by.

So that’s me – living in the moment. And what beautiful moments they are.